OUch

Oh, how it hurts.

Even now, the ex and I have bursts of contact. And it hurts everytime. Yet I can't not. I don't know if it's simply because I just saw him, or if it's because I saw him with someone else.

Why do I still feel something?I let him know me better than anyone. .... In a way I can't believe I did this, as he can no longer be such a big part of my life, and it scares me so much to even think about doing that again. But I don't know if I would have it any other way either.

Why do you let someone keep coming into your life when it hurts.

The thing is, if we hadn't broken up, I don't know if I ever would have gone to Paris. And I know I've had some amazing experiences, things I would never trade anything for, yet somehow this still effects me. Still.

I wake up and feel lost. I wake up and wonder what it's all about. I wake up and wonder what I'm looking forward to. I wake up and wonder what I'm doing with my life. I wake up and wonder how I'm going to make a difference.

I hate that feeling. So Much. I haven't felt it since we first broke up. I hate that he can still have this impact on me.

I wake up, and I push it out of mind as much as possible and I think of what I DO have. And I remember that I love my life. That it will get better, that I trust time. And I look forward to the future, even though it does scare me at times, and because I love the adventure.

But why does it have to hurt so much sometimes.