beautiful dreamer

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Thanks for the reminder

Thanks for the reminder Disney



Hold out for that 'something amazing'

True story.


How I met your mother - always gives me a well needed laugh

...it would happen to someone else.

And finally.. adding to the messy emotional week:


On Friday I was hanging out with a bunch of friends... I then realised that these had originally been the ex's friends. I had become such good friends with them, whilst we were going out.. partly because the ex never wanted to hang out with mine (charming huh :p)

But then I realised that sometimes it feels as though I shouldn't be there. Or as though I had gone back in time but without the ex. Either way it felt a little strange.



On Saturday night, I hung out with another bunch of friends. And then upon reflecting, realised I sometimes didn't even feel like I belonged there either. Me and my sister (shes only a year older than me) started hanging out with them at the same time.


Sister went out with one of these guys. It lasted for quited a few years. They eventually broke up. And now sometimes it feels as though I shouldn't be hanging out with these friends either.


I have a small circle of friends that I'm really close too. But none of them are in the same 'groups'. Which is fine and I love them all, but sometimes I wish I really had a 'group' that I could really call mine.



Here's to the mess that is my head.
ps. "Shit happens... but sometimes I wish it would happen to someone else". Saw someone joining this on facebook.. gave me a bit of a giggle. Shameless, but I've sure we've all thought it at some point in time :p
xoxo

... but sometimes I wish...

Warning: This may turn into a bit of a venting session.

But let’s start on a happy note:

My lovely work friend, we’ll call her work friend (:p) gave me a bunch of beautiful yellow flowers upon hearing about my cat. Totally made my day. She is a wonderful one, that’s for sure.








However, to add to the same week as the one I lost my cat, I started to feel like I’m losing one of my closest friends.

I'm pretty lost and confused by it.



We were at the same party the other night, it felt like she was annoyed at me, yet I was somewhat annoyed at her.

It feels like were drifting apart, that were simply at different places in our lives right now. This made me sad. Yet I also feel like I’ve been fighting to save the relationship for some time. And it feels like either she doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care.








I’m not sure if I can keep fighting for this friendship if she’s not willing to fight for it as well.


Lately every time I’ve invited her to something I’ve been turned down. Everything at the moment is about her boyfriend.. maybe I just don’t understand the way she feels but I’m not sure. It’s not a new relationship; they have been together for almost 5years. I told her about my cat. And she responded that she was missing her boyfriend. (He’s been away on exchange for 6months). There was only so much sympathy I could still give to that situation. Especially when I found out that he was coming home on Sunday.




She has been one of my best friends for the last 6years, and I’ve known her for longer than that. I was there before this boy. I know that may sound lame, but you know, sometimes it would be nice not to be blown off because of him.



(Note to self: Maintain friendships!! A relationship is most definitely not the only thing)





(Images via weheartit)


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Shit hapens...





There, I'm going to say it. I'm sad. I'm not all that happy.




I'm working on it though.

It hasn't been the nicest of weeks.

To try and be brief, my poor old fluffy ginger cat was attacked by a dog off the street. And all he was doing was sleeping, curled up in a ball next to our front door.

I was not at home when it happened, but seeing him afterwards was bad enough.








We decided to operate despite his age, but unfortunately his internal injuries were far worse than expected and he could not be saved because of his age.





I had to let my gorgeous fluffly cat go. I've had him since I was 8. I'll even go as far to say that it was one of my longest relationships =p
I still expect to see him everywhere.
I know he is a cat. But still, it makes you think... one day, one moment, one act, can change so much.
There isn't time for 'tomorrows' or 'one day' because 'what if'.
If theres something you want to do, go out there, do it, make it happen.
Something we say, but possibly don't think about enough in our daily lives, is to live without regrets. You only have one life, so live it. Experience it.



Smell those flowers...





Sit on that boardwalk






Hang out with your besties, those that love you, that you make you laugh



Have those deep and meaningfuls... even if there late night drunken convo's
If you can dream it,
Go out and experience it.
Whatever it is.


Do what makes you happy.
Thats what its all about isn't it.



All images via weheartit
ps. yes those weren't photos of my cat. but they made me smile

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Monday, May 10, 2010

I signed up for what again?

Yesterday I handed out flyers at my university, advertising an information session about university exchanges.. so we weren't really selling anything.. and I happily volunteered to do this.

As soon as I was given the leaflets to handout, I realised what I was in for. We often have MANY people handing out advertisements, flyers, leaflets at uni... and I realised how annoying that I have often found it. Now I was on the other side!

As I realised this, I had a little giggle to myself. Luckily I only had to do this for an hour. Somethings I learnt..

- Having a giant smile on your face, gets people to stop, and happily accept what your handing out.

- Your attitude has impact on everything you do, and how you see the world.

- Manners... they are important! I didn't mind people saying no thanks, but to simply ignore you.. well it's kinda rude.

which leads to:

- Be nice to people! The simple use of manners or a smile can really affect a person's day.. (is it really that hard?!)

- I made people smile with my enthusiasm, it was a good feeling!

- Always try to remember what its like to be in someone else's shoes, to see another point of view. (I will always be polite to these people from now on, perhaps they simply volunteered to do a job =p )

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Argh.

Argh. I am so completely and utterly unmotivated at the moment. It is making uni rather difficult.
I only have a month and a half left and I have finished my degree!!! woohoo!! but even that isn't motivation enough...
Please motivation, kick in soon =)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Because better things WILL come along... and I'm waiting patiently

This put a smile on my dial
=)

Relief

Today I drove through my ex's neighbourhood... and I had a small pang in my heart as I did so.

Yet it was only small and I was relieved.

Then I remembered that the world I once knew didn't really exist anymore and that he now lives with this new girl (don't you).

It's funny how things change, isn't it?

(It blows my mind that you have moved in with her after a month. Seriously a month. I don't even know you anymore.)

I guess there's some things I will just never understand even if I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And though that may confuse me, it's ok and mostly I've learned to let go of the things that I can't have answered.

Still it was only a small pang. And for that, I am happy.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sometimes you have to ask


"You won't get anything unless you ask for it. Then if you ask for it and you don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place. Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were. "
- Gilmore Girls.





Oh Gilmore Girls. How I miss you. You can still make my day.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Don't give up


Sunday, May 2, 2010

We're going to be ok

I think I've finally learnt avoidance tactics don't work. Though I didn't intentionally run away.
But ultimately, we're going to be ok.

Thoughts

I was at party this weekend, I heard things about the ex. It sounded like these people were talking about someone else. A person I didn't know. The things they said, it made me feel really sad for him. (ok, and maybe, just maybe a tiny tiny bit happy... yea I'm mean enough to admit that, I hope that you don't ever see this.)

In a way, it was good for me. I think once again, I'm at the acceptance point. Which is great, because I'm sick of you being part of the mask, I feel I'm wearing at the moment.

I've been doing some thinking and I (think) realised that I ended up running away from the pain that I felt. When me and the ex broke up, I finally decided to take that risk and go on a semseter exchange. I hate to think of this as running away, because it was something I had always wanted to do, so I'm not going to entirely say it was running away. I didn't think I was one to run away. But it gave me something to focus on, and then I went. And it was amazing. And for a while I never thought of you!

I really really thought I was over you. But seeing you with someone else, hit me. And it hurt all over again. I think it was simply me coming back to reality, and seeing you with someone else that made me obsess. Possibly more than I should of. More than anyone realises. That is part of the mask, I suppose. I feel I should not have obsessed this much.

I wish I was as strong as people thought I was.

Sometimes I used to wish I could forget you or that there had never been a 'hello' for there to be a 'goodbye'.

But you know, I don't regret the relationship I had with my ex, despite the pain I went through. He definatley made me stronger. Travelling on my own also made me stronger. I've learnt that I do deserve something amazing and that he didn't always treat me right. Actually a lot of the time. Though I wasn't perfect either.

Sometimes you have to remember what you deserve. Sometimes this gets forgotten. And sometimes your heart isn't always right.

Hahaha I'm totally going to steal the thought from 500 day of Summer (awesome movie!)- he wasn't my love story, he was my story about love.


I'm ready to focus on the rest of the craziness in my head. Or here's to trying =p