Thoughts

I was at party this weekend, I heard things about the ex. It sounded like these people were talking about someone else. A person I didn't know. The things they said, it made me feel really sad for him. (ok, and maybe, just maybe a tiny tiny bit happy... yea I'm mean enough to admit that, I hope that you don't ever see this.)

In a way, it was good for me. I think once again, I'm at the acceptance point. Which is great, because I'm sick of you being part of the mask, I feel I'm wearing at the moment.

I've been doing some thinking and I (think) realised that I ended up running away from the pain that I felt. When me and the ex broke up, I finally decided to take that risk and go on a semseter exchange. I hate to think of this as running away, because it was something I had always wanted to do, so I'm not going to entirely say it was running away. I didn't think I was one to run away. But it gave me something to focus on, and then I went. And it was amazing. And for a while I never thought of you!

I really really thought I was over you. But seeing you with someone else, hit me. And it hurt all over again. I think it was simply me coming back to reality, and seeing you with someone else that made me obsess. Possibly more than I should of. More than anyone realises. That is part of the mask, I suppose. I feel I should not have obsessed this much.

I wish I was as strong as people thought I was.

Sometimes I used to wish I could forget you or that there had never been a 'hello' for there to be a 'goodbye'.

But you know, I don't regret the relationship I had with my ex, despite the pain I went through. He definatley made me stronger. Travelling on my own also made me stronger. I've learnt that I do deserve something amazing and that he didn't always treat me right. Actually a lot of the time. Though I wasn't perfect either.

Sometimes you have to remember what you deserve. Sometimes this gets forgotten. And sometimes your heart isn't always right.

Hahaha I'm totally going to steal the thought from 500 day of Summer (awesome movie!)- he wasn't my love story, he was my story about love.


I'm ready to focus on the rest of the craziness in my head. Or here's to trying =p