Not a second

"Not a second of my time with you was wasted.

Now I know what not to do."

-Iwrotethisforyou.

A leap of faith

Lately I have been continually caught with a secret smile on my face. I don't even know what to say.


I'm trying hard to take that leap of faith, that chance.

But inside, I'm terrified. I can even see myself self-sabotaging. Trying to push this person that puts a smile on my face, away. I don't understand.

How do you take that chance, if you want it, but it scares you. ...

Frustrating

Whoops. I don't know how this happened. I havn't posted anything on here for a while.

Unfortunately I have a habit to be super enthusiastic about something, to throw myself into for a few weeks or months and then to suddenly stop. Get distracted. Forget. Get busy. And tell myself that I'll get back there evenutally. But sometimes I don't.


It's one of those habits that continually frustrate me. It means, growing up, I tried just about every sport / hobby possible. But with the inability to truly stick to anything. To commit.

However somehow, big, huge, LIFE CHANGING ideas I can commit to, like going on a 6 month exchange. Learning to scuba dive.

So I'll work on the little ones... I think it will be a continual challenge...

A-ha!

I can't remember where I found this. But when I did it was totally an 'A-HA!' moment. That someone out there has felt exactly how you feel.

Just a little smile

Someone has walked into my life. And has put the biggest smile on my face.

....I don't know what's happening, or if anything will happen.

But its been a nice change. (Not to say that I wasn't happy before or that I'm dependent on others for my happiness) But its been nice.

I'm also going to admit that I'm actually pretty scared..

scared to let myself feel anything...

scared to get hurt yet again...

But I'm going to fight that particualr feeling as much as I can.

If nothing happens I will be fine, because you know what, its been nice to know that there are people out there that can put the biggest smile on your face. To feel that feeling again. To have hope. To be excited.

Here's to making your own sunshine.

Because I need a little sunshine right now...


The weather here is a little drab at the moment and I'm starting to crave summer and sunshine and the beach. This is my third winter in a row. (what was i thinking?!) ... though it hasn't been too bad... the cravings are only just starting now.

So here's to all things yellow.

I love this photo!

This made me laugh! Totally want this as a costume.

I now want me some yellow chucks...

(All photos from weheartit)

Drink Coffee

Freedom!!!

This has actually been me in the last few weeks:

Exam time. Study, study, study. Plus just a mild dose of coffee..

Ok, ok, just maybe, perhaps extreme amounts at times

Plus a heck load of junk food..
but hey, theres gotta be a positive side to basically living in the library
right?!

But now I am officially

FREE

That's rights, free!!

So I might just take a large amount of sleep now. I am so looking forward to it!

Ps. how did I actually never notice this before:

Funny that.

Something awesome

How awesome is this?!

I can't remember where I found this.. but I'm going to guess it was

weheartit

(Sorry if it's not)

I really wish I had thought of this when I moved into an unfurnished apartment overseas.

It's time to try something new

Its time for some changes and for new things!

Here's to new challenges and adventures and to embracing the change! I always thought I did, but turns out I actually didn't like change that much.

Argh one more week until I finish my exams!! woop.

Then I will have completed my degree and a whole new chapter will begin!

I'm also excited because in the holidays I'm doing a diving course with a friend, we'll call her Miss C. And then I will be starting a sewing course with Work Friend!!

I can't sew for my life, and it's winter here, so we will be doing the dive course whilst feezing our ass off!

don't let them see you cry

My favourite.. time of day

I have noticed that for some reason my favourite time of day is twilight.. and it has nothing to do with the book series.

Those moments when the earth is neither completely lit or compeltely covered in darkness.

The colours in the sky are spread about and mixed up, like they have no idea what's going on either.

For some reason it makes me happy and sad at the same time.. crazy huh!

Happy becuase I'm more of a night person than a morning one, and I see it as getting ready for a new day, a fresh start. But also a little sad.. there is something settling about it, something that says today is over, it is the end of something, and those beautiful coulours in the sky aren't going to last forever.

Because like those beautiful colours in the sky that don't last, things change, and we often forget to see the beauty. I see it as a reminder to stop for a second and to remember to live in that moment. To take in the beauty that is life and those feelings and to reflect.

So here's to those moments. Even if the happy is mixed with a little bit of the sad. To those refelctions and that beauty in the sky and life itself.

This was a completely rambling random post.

Lets get lost

Because when your lost, when you're out of your comfort zone,

who knows what you may find,

you might just find that something amazing.

Why hello

Isn't time a funny thing?

I always find that it works in the opposite direction that you want it to.

When you've had your heart broken, hours seems to tick slowly by, days feel like weeks.

When your looking forward to something, it feels like it couldn't come soon enough, it seems to take forever to arrive.

And when it does, it flashes before your eyes (why hello student exchange?! how is it that this time last year, I hadn't met you yet and your now over?)

In the blink of an eye, something may change (why hello dent in my car).

And when you don't want something to happen, before you can do anything, its smacked you in the face.

Why hello exams.

I'm excited that your my last in my undergraduate degree... but I still don't want to sit you. Will you please write yourselves. Yep? ok thanks.

Um. well. ok. then.

Woah. well. um. ok then.... woah!!


I was happy to see the end of May. With the last few weeks of craziness, it all started to add up. I was definately looking forward to the beginning of June. Things would be better I just knew it. Exciting things would happen. I was in a good mindset.


The first week of June began.

I put a small dent in my car.

Then my car was towed costing me $150 ... ouch! ok ok I admit I was in the wrong but still $150! grrr have never liked the towing industry.

And then... the honours program for my course apparently experienced a surge in enrollments, the course was capped and closed!! A month and a half in advance... and I hadn't enrolled.

This summed me up pretty well:


I hadn't completely decided this was what I wanted to do but I think in the back of my mind I knew this is what I would do despite never really admitting it to anyone.

I suddenly realised this was my last semester!! I wouldn't be coming back! At least not for the next semester... how had I not appreciated this more?! What on earth was I going to do now?! I wasn't ready for the big scary world! Did I actually want to do the honours year?!? especially if it meant another full year at university... my mind went into a spin. This was scary! I always had a secret back up plan of what I would be doing and suddenly I didn't, it was WIDE open.


and then WOAH. It was WIDE open!!!! I could do what ever I wanted! I could take the time to really consider if I wanted to do the honours program. I could come back motivated and focused, if that's what I decided, especially after a semester of very little motivation.

It was a rather, freeing feeling.

It was scary yet completely exciting... my future was wide open.

It was as though the decision was made for me. It was taken out of my hands. .. it was as though it happened for a reason.. and I love that. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. So I'm looking to the positive and am excited to see what happens.

Everything happens for a reason... sometimes its just harder to see the reason... but its always there ... sometimes it hurts and you don't understand why... but at some point it will all be clear.

Now to get through exams....how did I forget about those little things..

Thanks for the reminder

Thanks for the reminder Disney

Hold out for that 'something amazing'

True story.

How I met your mother - always gives me a well needed laugh

...it would happen to someone else.

And finally.. adding to the messy emotional week:


On Friday I was hanging out with a bunch of friends... I then realised that these had originally been the ex's friends. I had become such good friends with them, whilst we were going out.. partly because the ex never wanted to hang out with mine (charming huh :p)

But then I realised that sometimes it feels as though I shouldn't be there. Or as though I had gone back in time but without the ex. Either way it felt a little strange.



On Saturday night, I hung out with another bunch of friends. And then upon reflecting, realised I sometimes didn't even feel like I belonged there either. Me and my sister (shes only a year older than me) started hanging out with them at the same time.


Sister went out with one of these guys. It lasted for quited a few years. They eventually broke up. And now sometimes it feels as though I shouldn't be hanging out with these friends either.

I have a small circle of friends that I'm really close too. But none of them are in the same 'groups'. Which is fine and I love them all, but sometimes I wish I really had a 'group' that I could really call mine.

Here's to the mess that is my head.

ps. "Shit happens... but sometimes I wish it would happen to someone else". Saw someone joining this on facebook.. gave me a bit of a giggle. Shameless, but I've sure we've all thought it at some point in time :p

xoxo