Doh

I didn't think of you today.

Then I made the mistake of realising this.

And by realising this, I had just thought of you.

Please go away now because I'm so sure that I'm ready for new adventures.

Whoops.

Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once...

Leaving assignments to the last minute is not one of these.

Whoops.

Hopefully I've learnt my lesson this time (ha!) because that was just two weeks of way too much craziness and lack of sleep (from studying not partying?!)

Not fair

"I want you to be happy. I just want to be happy first".

- discovered on the cutest saddest website ever, www.dearoldlove.com

kinda what I'm feeling.

Why is it that I thought I was over you, until I saw you. and saw you with someone else.

Why is it that one person can ruin your day.

Then again, one person can completely make your day, so I guess it evens things out.

Your not going to ruin my day again.

Beauty in the Breakdown

drink up, baby down

mmm, are you in or are you out

leave your things behind

cause it's all going off without you

excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy

these mishaps you bubble wrap

when you've no idea what you're like

So, let go, let go

jump in

oh well, what you waiting for?

it's all right here

cause there's beauty in the breakdown

so, let go, let go

just get in

oh, it's so amazing here

it's all right,

cause there's beauty in the breakdown

- Frou Frou, Let Go

FML??

I feel like this..


I need some time...

I'm searching for and excited for this...

My sister told me today to stop saying FML.

I only ever said it as a joke, I don't obviously mean it, and sometimes it just feels so relevant.

She pointed out I had a great life and I had just come back from Paris.

Sometimes it's good to gain an outside perspective.

This week has been intense and next week looks to be just as bad. I've been stressed to the extreme and so caught up in the uni work. Sometimes you forget how great your own life is because you get caught up in the little things.

I appreciat this. But at the same time, sometimes they don't feel so little. And yes I know, I should remember that in general I do have a pretty great life and I just came back from an incredible experience (that is taking far longer to adjust that I ever imagined) but somewhere in my head, I am completely lost and confused like I never have been before. Sometimes I don't feel like I know who I am, sometimes it feels like I'm watching my own life from the sidelines. Napping has become the worst, I used to love it. I wake up and wonder what the hell am I doing?! I wake up and think of the ex. (why is he still stuck in my head?! I think its simply because some of these feelings are similiar to the way I felt when we broke up but still... its frustrating...)

I feel so alone.

I hate to feel this because I used to love being single.

I feel trapped between two worlds.

Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear me, that no-one understands. But how can they, when even I don't understand.

The NZ me and the Paris me don't quite fit. I need to find a new me. And thats challenging... especially as there is so much going on at the moment.

I feel that I need and want some time out from the craziness of life in general just to find me.

I know I will feel better soon... I know some of this is just from stress... but sometimes its hard... hard waiting for the universe to send ya some love =p

(images found at www.weheartit.com)

Messed up priorities

Just a small note....

My week continued in mostly the happy way =p

But when emotions turned... it was very confusing. Damn those things can be very messy huh.

I loved that feeling though... happy simply because I was. Me all by myself.

However I have just noticed that I spent all of my uni break at work.. trying to clear my Paris debt as fast as possible, and I have made some great headway. Yet.. I did no uni work. And now I am incredibly overloaded. Honestly I will barely be sleeping in the next two weeks! Eek! How did I do this... AGAIN?! Haha
I don't seem to learn... but wheres the fun in that right?!

I simply kept procrastinating.. thinking I will do it later. Well later is now.
I think the thought of it being my last semester will get me through this though! (Yay!) because I'm getting a bit over this.

Life lesson I am continually learning: Stop procrastinating!!! Do whatever it is that needs to be done, or you want to put off now!



On a side note... I think maybe I have already been a bit tooo open with what I say on here... I know that no-one is reading and it has been amazing to unload... a small part of me is worried that someday someone I know will read this. So maybe I will just be a little bit more vague from now on.

Argh. Back to it I guess.
Have a happy week!

Oh happy day

Today was a HAPPY day!!!!

I have absolutely no idea why, but it was wonderful.

At the moment is mid-semester break and I have been working so much! I almost forgot about how much uni work I have to do. And let me tell you it's a lot. Its rather terrible. Today was my one day off and I spent it at uni.. trying to do some work. Still didn't get as much done as I should of.

So really, I should be super stressed. But I was just really happy.








I felt free. I realised I do have A LOT in my life. A lot of people who care about me.

Yes there is a certain person that still tugs on my heart strings... as much as I don't actually want to admit that. And yes it still hurts a little. But its getting easier and better.

Today I thought, I really believe things happen for a reason. I don't think we were 100% right for each other. And if I look at that situation now, I think maybe we also crossed paths at the wrong time... or maybe it was the right time... we both had some learning to do.

Simply put, he wasn't right for me. I probably wasn't right for him. He hurt me, so why would I want to go back there.

I feel hope.

I have read quite a few blogs today. Amazed by how well these girls write... and how they speak to my heart. They seem to put into words exactly how I feel. And they did so amazingly. It is incredible.

Though I may still be waiting for this moment:

"Memories do not scare me, anymore, you see -I've learned to remember without the fearof bittersweet nostalgia overwhelming my all."

But thats ok. I'm ok.

I feel like this girl:

I love that.

I got home this evening, to find a message from one of my amazing international friends.

Once again reminding me that in general.. I love life! It is an incredible thing, that too often we take for granted. I have some amazing friends and I had an amazing opportunity. It is still difficult to comprehend that I lived in PARIS for 6months. I met some truly wonderful, inspiring people. People that I won't forget, people that I hope will remain in my life for a very long time.

This completed my day. Of the simple wonderful things.

And whilst I realise I am at some kind of crossroad in my life. Feeling lost and confused. Today I feel ok with this. And despite any hurt, I feel stronger than ever!!!

Have a happy day!!