Argh.

Argh. I am so completely and utterly unmotivated at the moment. It is making uni rather difficult.

I only have a month and a half left and I have finished my degree!!! woohoo!! but even that isn't motivation enough...

Please motivation, kick in soon =)

Because better things WILL come along... and I'm waiting patiently

This put a smile on my dial

=)

Relief

Today I drove through my ex's neighbourhood... and I had a small pang in my heart as I did so.

Yet it was only small and I was relieved.

Then I remembered that the world I once knew didn't really exist anymore and that he now lives with this new girl (don't you).

It's funny how things change, isn't it?

(It blows my mind that you have moved in with her after a month. Seriously a month. I don't even know you anymore.)

I guess there's some things I will just never understand even if I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And though that may confuse me, it's ok and mostly I've learned to let go of the things that I can't have answered.

Still it was only a small pang. And for that, I am happy.

Sometimes you have to ask

"You won't get anything unless you ask for it. Then if you ask for it and you don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place. Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were. "

- Gilmore Girls.

Oh Gilmore Girls. How I miss you. You can still make my day.

Don't give up

We're going to be ok

I think I've finally learnt avoidance tactics don't work. Though I didn't intentionally run away.

But ultimately, we're going to be ok.

Thoughts

I was at party this weekend, I heard things about the ex. It sounded like these people were talking about someone else. A person I didn't know. The things they said, it made me feel really sad for him. (ok, and maybe, just maybe a tiny tiny bit happy... yea I'm mean enough to admit that, I hope that you don't ever see this.)

In a way, it was good for me. I think once again, I'm at the acceptance point. Which is great, because I'm sick of you being part of the mask, I feel I'm wearing at the moment.

I've been doing some thinking and I (think) realised that I ended up running away from the pain that I felt. When me and the ex broke up, I finally decided to take that risk and go on a semseter exchange. I hate to think of this as running away, because it was something I had always wanted to do, so I'm not going to entirely say it was running away. I didn't think I was one to run away. But it gave me something to focus on, and then I went. And it was amazing. And for a while I never thought of you!

I really really thought I was over you. But seeing you with someone else, hit me. And it hurt all over again. I think it was simply me coming back to reality, and seeing you with someone else that made me obsess. Possibly more than I should of. More than anyone realises. That is part of the mask, I suppose. I feel I should not have obsessed this much.

I wish I was as strong as people thought I was.

Sometimes I used to wish I could forget you or that there had never been a 'hello' for there to be a 'goodbye'.

But you know, I don't regret the relationship I had with my ex, despite the pain I went through. He definatley made me stronger. Travelling on my own also made me stronger. I've learnt that I do deserve something amazing and that he didn't always treat me right. Actually a lot of the time. Though I wasn't perfect either.

Sometimes you have to remember what you deserve. Sometimes this gets forgotten. And sometimes your heart isn't always right.

Hahaha I'm totally going to steal the thought from 500 day of Summer (awesome movie!)- he wasn't my love story, he was my story about love.


I'm ready to focus on the rest of the craziness in my head. Or here's to trying =p