Just a little smile

Someone has walked into my life. And has put the biggest smile on my face.

....I don't know what's happening, or if anything will happen.

But its been a nice change. (Not to say that I wasn't happy before or that I'm dependent on others for my happiness) But its been nice.

I'm also going to admit that I'm actually pretty scared..

scared to let myself feel anything...

scared to get hurt yet again...

But I'm going to fight that particualr feeling as much as I can.

If nothing happens I will be fine, because you know what, its been nice to know that there are people out there that can put the biggest smile on your face. To feel that feeling again. To have hope. To be excited.

Um. well. ok. then.

Woah. well. um. ok then.... woah!!


I was happy to see the end of May. With the last few weeks of craziness, it all started to add up. I was definately looking forward to the beginning of June. Things would be better I just knew it. Exciting things would happen. I was in a good mindset.


The first week of June began.

I put a small dent in my car.

Then my car was towed costing me $150 ... ouch! ok ok I admit I was in the wrong but still $150! grrr have never liked the towing industry.

And then... the honours program for my course apparently experienced a surge in enrollments, the course was capped and closed!! A month and a half in advance... and I hadn't enrolled.

This summed me up pretty well:


I hadn't completely decided this was what I wanted to do but I think in the back of my mind I knew this is what I would do despite never really admitting it to anyone.

I suddenly realised this was my last semester!! I wouldn't be coming back! At least not for the next semester... how had I not appreciated this more?! What on earth was I going to do now?! I wasn't ready for the big scary world! Did I actually want to do the honours year?!? especially if it meant another full year at university... my mind went into a spin. This was scary! I always had a secret back up plan of what I would be doing and suddenly I didn't, it was WIDE open.


and then WOAH. It was WIDE open!!!! I could do what ever I wanted! I could take the time to really consider if I wanted to do the honours program. I could come back motivated and focused, if that's what I decided, especially after a semester of very little motivation.

It was a rather, freeing feeling.

It was scary yet completely exciting... my future was wide open.

It was as though the decision was made for me. It was taken out of my hands. .. it was as though it happened for a reason.. and I love that. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. So I'm looking to the positive and am excited to see what happens.

Everything happens for a reason... sometimes its just harder to see the reason... but its always there ... sometimes it hurts and you don't understand why... but at some point it will all be clear.

Now to get through exams....how did I forget about those little things..