A leap of faith

Lately I have been continually caught with a secret smile on my face. I don't even know what to say.


I'm trying hard to take that leap of faith, that chance.

But inside, I'm terrified. I can even see myself self-sabotaging. Trying to push this person that puts a smile on my face, away. I don't understand.

How do you take that chance, if you want it, but it scares you. ...

My favourite.. time of day

I have noticed that for some reason my favourite time of day is twilight.. and it has nothing to do with the book series.

Those moments when the earth is neither completely lit or compeltely covered in darkness.

The colours in the sky are spread about and mixed up, like they have no idea what's going on either.

For some reason it makes me happy and sad at the same time.. crazy huh!

Happy becuase I'm more of a night person than a morning one, and I see it as getting ready for a new day, a fresh start. But also a little sad.. there is something settling about it, something that says today is over, it is the end of something, and those beautiful coulours in the sky aren't going to last forever.

Because like those beautiful colours in the sky that don't last, things change, and we often forget to see the beauty. I see it as a reminder to stop for a second and to remember to live in that moment. To take in the beauty that is life and those feelings and to reflect.

So here's to those moments. Even if the happy is mixed with a little bit of the sad. To those refelctions and that beauty in the sky and life itself.

This was a completely rambling random post.

...it would happen to someone else.

And finally.. adding to the messy emotional week:


On Friday I was hanging out with a bunch of friends... I then realised that these had originally been the ex's friends. I had become such good friends with them, whilst we were going out.. partly because the ex never wanted to hang out with mine (charming huh :p)

But then I realised that sometimes it feels as though I shouldn't be there. Or as though I had gone back in time but without the ex. Either way it felt a little strange.



On Saturday night, I hung out with another bunch of friends. And then upon reflecting, realised I sometimes didn't even feel like I belonged there either. Me and my sister (shes only a year older than me) started hanging out with them at the same time.


Sister went out with one of these guys. It lasted for quited a few years. They eventually broke up. And now sometimes it feels as though I shouldn't be hanging out with these friends either.

I have a small circle of friends that I'm really close too. But none of them are in the same 'groups'. Which is fine and I love them all, but sometimes I wish I really had a 'group' that I could really call mine.

Here's to the mess that is my head.

ps. "Shit happens... but sometimes I wish it would happen to someone else". Saw someone joining this on facebook.. gave me a bit of a giggle. Shameless, but I've sure we've all thought it at some point in time :p

xoxo

... but sometimes I wish...

Warning: This may turn into a bit of a venting session.

But let’s start on a happy note:

My lovely work friend, we’ll call her work friend (:p) gave me a bunch of beautiful yellow flowers upon hearing about my cat. Totally made my day. She is a wonderful one, that’s for sure.

However, to add to the same week as the one I lost my cat, I started to feel like I’m losing one of my closest friends.

I'm pretty lost and confused by it.

We were at the same party the other night, it felt like she was annoyed at me, yet I was somewhat annoyed at her.

It feels like were drifting apart, that were simply at different places in our lives right now. This made me sad. Yet I also feel like I’ve been fighting to save the relationship for some time. And it feels like either she doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care.

I’m not sure if I can keep fighting for this friendship if she’s not willing to fight for it as well.

Lately every time I’ve invited her to something I’ve been turned down. Everything at the moment is about her boyfriend.. maybe I just don’t understand the way she feels but I’m not sure. It’s not a new relationship; they have been together for almost 5years. I told her about my cat. And she responded that she was missing her boyfriend. (He’s been away on exchange for 6months). There was only so much sympathy I could still give to that situation. Especially when I found out that he was coming home on Sunday.

She has been one of my best friends for the last 6years, and I’ve known her for longer than that. I was there before this boy. I know that may sound lame, but you know, sometimes it would be nice not to be blown off because of him.

(Note to self: Maintain friendships!! A relationship is most definitely not the only thing)

(Images via weheartit)